能帮我看一下,这篇作文有错吗The computer was among the greatest inventions of the twentieth century.It is a very useful channel for study.The computer has many advantages.You can use the computer to do online shopping.You can chat with Ne

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能帮我看一下,这篇作文有错吗The computer was among the greatest inventions of the twentieth century.It is a very useful channel for study.The computer has many advantages.You can use the computer to do online shopping.You can chat with Ne

能帮我看一下,这篇作文有错吗The computer was among the greatest inventions of the twentieth century.It is a very useful channel for study.The computer has many advantages.You can use the computer to do online shopping.You can chat with Ne
能帮我看一下,这篇作文有错吗
The computer was among the greatest inventions of the twentieth century.It is a very useful channel for study.
The computer has many advantages.You can use the computer to do online shopping.You can chat with Net'pals all over the world.You can buy all kinds of things on the Internet.For example,you can order food,books and CDs online.
In brief,computers have made our lives easier and more enjoyable.

能帮我看一下,这篇作文有错吗The computer was among the greatest inventions of the twentieth century.It is a very useful channel for study.The computer has many advantages.You can use the computer to do online shopping.You can chat with Ne
among改为one of
并把was改成is
of the twentieth century介词改为in,
it is a very useful channel……这句话有点像中式英语,可以用It is absolutly helpful for our study.
三句you can 前可以加一些连词,最后一个可以改成you can also…
最后一句最好在句尾加上than before

计算机是最伟大的发明，第二十世纪。这是一个非常有用的学习渠道。
电子计算机有很多优点。你就可以用电脑上网购物。你可以聊天，与net'pals世界各地。你可以买各种各样的东西在互联网上。例如，你可以为食物，书籍和CD在线。
总之，电脑使我们生活得更加轻松愉快。
应该：
在二十世纪计算机是最伟大的发明。这是一个非常有用的学习渠道。
电子计算机有很多优...

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计算机是最伟大的发明，第二十世纪。这是一个非常有用的学习渠道。
电子计算机有很多优点。你就可以用电脑上网购物。你可以聊天，与net'pals世界各地。你可以买各种各样的东西在互联网上。例如，你可以为食物，书籍和CD在线。
总之，电脑使我们生活得更加轻松愉快。
应该：
在二十世纪计算机是最伟大的发明。这是一个非常有用的学习渠道。
电子计算机有很多优点。你就可以用电脑上网购物，你可以聊天，与net'pals世界各地。你可以买各种各样的东西在互联网上。例如，你可以为食物，书籍和CD在线。

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