帮忙修改一下雅思作文,看看这篇能得几分.No Smoking in All Public PlaceOne of the hot issue which many people complain about today is smoking in publice places such as bus,subway,and department stores.In spite of that,there are still s

帮忙修改一下雅思作文,看看这篇能得几分.No Smoking in All Public PlaceOne of the hot issue which many people complain about today is smoking in publice places such as bus,subway,and department stores.In spite of that,there are still s
帮忙修改一下雅思作文,看看这篇能得几分.
No Smoking in All Public Place
One of the hot issue which many people complain about today is smoking in publice places such as bus,subway,and department stores.In spite of that,there are still some people smoking cigarettes in sight of ‘NO SMOKING’through the notices have been placed obviously in these situation.For this ,many countries and areas have prohibitd smoking in all of the public places by legislation.I believe that this is a good ideal to forbid it.
The first and formost,we have known,smoking can lead to a large number of diseases,for example lung cancer,tracheitis.Even so,for the smoker,nothing seems more difficult and painful than giving up the hamful habit.Because them depend psychologically on cigarettes,whenever they feel nervous,excited,sad or happy,they turn to smoking by instinct.in additionly,some smokers who smoke in public places are of loose morals.Those people seldom think of the damage that their smoking harm to the helth of nearby non-smokers.It has been told by leading researchers in the filed of iatrology that smoking affects non-smokings more than it does smokers and rate of passive smokers getting ill is higher than that of smokers.So,many non-smokers are against smoking in public places.
The second point,smoking is harmful not only to our health but also to the evironment.In the public places,the harm of smoking is greater.This is connected with another effect of smoking.That is,smoking pollutes environment by giving much poisonous vapour off into the air and the ashes and cigarette butts left behind by smokers are another form of pollution.so,If smoking will be abolished in public places,most of people,especially non-smokers will agree with the policy.
Some people would be opposed to the idea of this limitation is a violation of smoker rights,but in fact,smokers still have the freedom of smoking.If one wants to smoke,he may smoke in private places,not ni the public places.Moreover,in my opinion,for the health,smoker had better give up smoking,not only in private areas,but also in the public places,everwhere.
In conclution,I would agree that the public places must to be no smoking.On the other hand,the government must to constitute some policy to help smoker giving up the bad habition.If all smokers would break with it,our world will be much better.

帮忙修改一下雅思作文,看看这篇能得几分.No Smoking in All Public PlaceOne of the hot issue which many people complain about today is smoking in publice places such as bus,subway,and department stores.In spite of that,there are still s
1：In spite of that,there are still some people smoking cigarettes in sight of ‘NO SMOKING’signs placed in obvious places.
2:你有点罗嗦,重复的太多
3：don't put "in" in front of "additionaly",just put "additionaly"
4:语法和用词有的地方还是中式英语
得好好改改阿,大致来说还行